your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
