Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
