remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
