Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
