you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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