They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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