Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
