Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
