I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
