haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
