All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
