I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
