So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
