Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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