woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
