The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
