hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
