Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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