i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
