I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
