He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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