Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
