I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
