I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
