Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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