I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
