I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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