break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I have feelings that need drinking.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
