I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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