I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
