My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
