I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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