I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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