I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Please don't give away my fajitas
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
