You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
