I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Still dying that you shit outside
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
