Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
