So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
