So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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