I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
