I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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