all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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