They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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