Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
