You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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