Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
