So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
