I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
