My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
