I hate all girls vehemently.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
