it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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